miercuri, aprilie 02, 2008

Top 100 Facts About Little Eingie

Little Eingie beat a wall at tennis. Yes. A WALL.
Little Eingie doesn't have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Tall buildings duck under Little Eingie.
When Little Eingie goes to donate blood, she declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Whenever Little Eingie plays Chutes and Ladders, she treats the chutes as ladders, because she's not some sissy who can't climb up a plastic slide.
On her birthday, Little Eingie randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Little Eingie can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
Once a cobra bit Little Eingie's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Little Eingie was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when she managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
Little Eingie is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why she can only kick through doors.
Little Eingie does not sleep. She waits.
Little Eingie died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell her.
Little Eingie can slam revolving doors.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Little Eingie.
Little Eingie and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
Little Eingie doesn't read books. She stares them down until she gets the information she wants.
When Little Eingie deletes files from her computer, she doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. She sends them to hell.
Little Eingie once stated that she "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that Little Eingie was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.
World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, Little Eingie ate Kobayashi.
Little Eingie can delete the Recycling Bin.
Little Eingie's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Little Eingie.
The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of Little Eingie, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.
Little Eingie can speak braille.
Little Eingie destroyed the periodic table, saying Little Eingie only recognizes the element of surprise.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Little Eingie can kill 100 percent of whatever the heck she wants.
Little Eingie always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Little Eingie laughing at you.
Little Eingie once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Little Eingie can kill two stones with one bird.
Little Eingie is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Little Eingie's dog is trained to pick up her own poop because Little Eingie will not take crap from anyone.
Little Eingie can watch a season of "24" in just three hours.
Little Eingie can predict the shuffle on her iPod.
The last man who made eye contact with Little Eingie was Ray Charles.
If Little Eingie wants some shade, she stares the sun down until it eclipses.
When Little Eingie gives you the finger, she's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Little Eingie puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Little Eingie wears a cup not to protect herself, but to protect the players on the other team.
Little Eingie played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
Little Eingie was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Little Eingie owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped her win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite her holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
When Little Eingie plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.
Little Eingie counted to infinity - twice.
Little Eingie was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
Little Eingie had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow, and anywhere Little Eingie went the lamb was sure to go. So she killed it.
The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Little Eingie and forgot to pay her back.
Little Eingie can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Little Eingie's family wraps her holiday presents in lead, so she can't see what's in them.
Circles exist because Little Eingie beat the crap out of some squares.
Only once has Little Eingie ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.
Little Eingie irons her shirts while she's wearing them.
The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Little Eingie punched herself in the face.
What scientists thought was natural selection is actually only the continued survival of animals Little Eingie has found too chewy to eat.
Weeping Willows are a result of Little Eingie yelling at trees for not being tough enough.
On a high school math test, Little Eingie put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. She got an A+ on the test because Little Eingie solves all her problems with Violence.
Little Eingie does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever she goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever she leaves, she leaves a State of Destruction
Little Eingie once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
Little Eingie can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Little Eingie once got caught doing 100 in a 50 zone. The cop did give her a speeding ticket, however Little Eingie still pleads her innocence to this day, stating that she was simply out for a morning jog.
Crop circles are Little Eingie's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down.
Little Eingie used to beat the crap out of her shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind her.
If you haven't seen Alien vs. Predator yet, don't bother, Little Eingie wins.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Little Eingie allows to live.
Little Eingie can make a paraplegic run for her life.
When Little Eingie enters a room, she doesn't turn the lights on, she turns the dark off.
Little Eingie does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Little Eingie goes killing.
Little Eingie doesn't play "hide-and-seek." She plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Little Eingie is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Little Eingie says its beef, then it's beef.
Little Eingie doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
Little Eingie does not know where you live, but she knows where you will die.
Little Eingie is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for her left and right legs.
Little Eingie sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with her eyes open, and she looks pissed off.
Little Eingie has the heart of a child. She keeps it in a small box.
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Little Eingie is going to walk.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Little Eingie could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Superman owns a pair of Little Eingie pajamas.
Little Eingie sleeps with a night light. Not because Little Eingie is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Little Eingie
The word "gay" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "He who has not yet been introduced to Little Eingie."
Little Eingie is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
Little Eingie invented the hammer when she was tired of using her forehead to slam nails into wood.
When Little Eingie gets pulled over she lets the cop off with a warning.
Little Eingie was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
Giraffes were created when Little Eingie uppercutted a horse.
The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Little Eingie's basement was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Little Eingie and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Little Eingie invented black. In fact, she invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped Little Eingie's house one Christmas.
Little Eingie is the only one who can "try this at home."
Getting murdered by Little Eingie counts as a natural cause of death.
Little Eingie can tie her shoes with her feet.
Little Eingie has beat the crap out of so many people over her brilliant life that most medical journals now classify her as a laxative.
Onions do not make Little Eingie cry. Little Eingie makes onions crap themselves.
Little Eingie knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African *AND* European).
Little Eingie's blood type is WD-40.
The only time Little Eingie was wrong was when she thought she had made a mistake.
Little Eingie became a vegetarian not because she loves animals, but because she hates plants.
If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Little Eingie.
You are what you eat. That is why Little Eingie's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Little Eingie was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Little Eingie has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

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